When the Body Speaks: Trauma, Endings, and the Nervous System Through the Holidays

After a longer-than-planned pause from writing, I’m easing back in — not because everything is “back to normal,” but because my body finally insisted on rest, and I chose to listen.

That pause included a long-overdue vacation with people I love, time away from responsibility, and the space to let my nervous system settle after a year that carried far more than its fair share of stress, uncertainty, and grief. It was restorative in ways I didn’t fully understand I needed until I stopped.

The "Blue City," Chefchaouen, Morooco

And here’s the part I want to name — gently, and without making this about me.

This past year, as my father’s health declined and he passed away in August, I also experienced a series of nagging, unsettling health issues that seemed to arrive out of nowhere. Nothing life-threatening. Nothing I couldn’t technically “push through.” But enough to get my attention.

Or at least… enough that my body was trying to get my attention.

Because here’s something my training — and my lived experience — has reinforced again and again:

When we don’t give ourselves space to process loss, endings, and trauma, the body will eventually do the processing for us.

And it won’t always be subtle about it.

Trauma, Endings, and the Body’s First Language

In a recent piece written by my teacher and mentor, Andrea Nakayama, she describes endings — whether expected or sudden — as some of the most profound stressors the body can experience. Not just emotionally, but physiologically. Endings can refer to death of a loved one, loss of a partner or friendship, even a major job change, to name a few.

She reminds us that the body’s first response to change and loss is not intellectual understanding — it’s nervous system activation. Before we have words. Before we make meaning. Before we “stay strong” and push through.

As Andrea writes:

“The nervous system is wired to love the familiar, even when the familiar isn’t ideal. So when a role, relationship, belief, way of life, or structure dissolves, the body often responds as though the ground itself has shifted.”

The body registers threat, uncertainty, and disruption first. And if we don’t slow down long enough to acknowledge that — if we override it with productivity, positivity, or perseverance — those unprocessed signals don’t disappear. They get stored.

In tissues.

In patterns.

In symptoms.

This aligns deeply with what we understand about trauma physiology:

Trauma isn’t just what happened — it’s what didn’t get processed.

And while we often associate trauma with big, obvious events, the nervous system doesn’t rank experiences the way our minds do. Prolonged stress. Anticipatory grief. Caregiving. Loss of routine. Emotional vigilance. All of it counts.

The body keeps score — not to punish us, but to protect us.

Andrea’s article (which I’ll link below) was especially timely for me, and I have a feeling it may resonate with many of you as well. In it, she emphasizes how we often chase symptoms, diagnoses, or quick fixes — searching for answers — rather than pausing to ask what the body might be trying to communicate.

Because frankly, we can only hear that message when we allow ourselves to slow down long enough to listen.

When We Keep Going Anyway

So many of us — especially midlife women — are remarkably good at carrying on.

We keep showing up.

We manage the details.

We care for everyone else.

We tell ourselves we’ll rest after the busy season… after the crisis passes… after things settle down.

But the nervous system doesn’t work on timelines or calendars.

When we don’t create space to sit with what’s hard — when we move past endings without acknowledging their impact — the body eventually raises its hand.

Sometimes it whispers.

Sometimes it nudges.

And sometimes it pulls the emergency brake.

This isn’t weakness.

It’s communication.

Why the Holidays Can Tip an Already-Stressed Nervous System

Which brings us to December.

It doesn’t always take a major, life-altering event to tip the nervous system into overdrive. The holiday season arrives layered on top of everything else we’re already carrying. It asks for more social engagement, more decision-making, more stimulation, more emotion — often without offering more rest.

Even “good” stress is still stress.

For a nervous system that’s already been navigating loss, change, or chronic overwhelm, this cumulative load can push us out of regulation and into patterns such as:

• Irritability or emotional reactivity

• Fatigue that doesn’t resolve with sleep

• Brain fog or difficulty focusing

• Digestive issues, aches, or immune flares

• A sense of feeling “on edge” or shut down

None of this means you’re doing the holidays wrong.

It means your nervous system is asking for support.

Listening Instead of Pushing

One of the most powerful shifts we can make — especially during this season — is moving from override to attunement.

From saying:“I just need to push through this.”

To asking:“What does my body need right now?”

Sometimes the answer is rest.

Sometimes it’s movement.

Sometimes it’s boundaries.

Sometimes it’s permission to feel what’s actually there.

The body possesses a kind of knowing — an intelligence that doesn’t require justification or explanation. When we learn to listen, we don’t just prevent burnout.

We build resilience.

A Gentle Re-Entry

This article marks the beginning of a short December series focused on supporting the nervous system through one of the most demanding times of the year.

In the weeks ahead, we’ll explore:

• How to stay grounded when everything feels accelerated

• Simple regulation tools that don’t require more effort

• Why “doing less” can actually create more capacity

• How gratitude, rhythm, and safety support healing at a physiological level

  
  

Not as another to-do list.

But as an invitation to relate to your body differently.

Because the goal isn’t to survive the holidays. It’s to move through them with presence, compassion, and a nervous system that feels supported — not abandoned.

If you’ve been feeling off, depleted, or unlike yourself lately, let this be a reminder:

Your body isn’t broken. It’s communicating.

Your signs and symptoms are not your body betraying you. They are signals — clues offering insight into the support your system needs so that it can continue supporting you.

And when we learn to listen, everything changes.

Please check out Andrea's full article here: https://www.andreanakayama.com/resources/passage-1-on-endings-and-the-bodys-first-response-to-change